I Want to Fall in Love With YOU.

I want to fall in love with you.

No special reason behind it. I just do. As you probably know, I've been wanting a boyfriend for months now, but Lady Luck hasn't been on my side. There were a couple of guys who came along, but neither of them were my idea of boyfriend material.

I'm not saying you are, but I realized I quite like you, and that makes all the difference. I probably shouldn't have initiated the online conversation that led to this. By this, I mean this—all this talking we do through text, sometimes through chat.

I mean, it's probably nothing. But I must admit I've been deriving some sort of felicity from our correspondence, Which is probably wrong. We're friends, aren't we? For me, at least, we are. I'm too scared to ask you anything because it might put you off and cause you to distance yourself from me, so I hold myself back from throwing stupid questions in your direction and plague myself instead with torturous what-ifs lacking definite answers.

I want to fall in love with you. The want in this statement implies a consciousness on my part, a decision waiting to be made. Should I jump or shouldn't I? I really don't know. I've been trying to weigh the pros and the cons, but I have trouble organizing the chaos in my head, so I still haven't arrived at a conclusion. Only one thing has been fully established so far: I like you. And, inevitably, I find myself hoping you'd like me too.

 When such hope begins to burn in my system, I panic. And for good reason. I am putting myself in a vulnerable position because of this hope. Don't I always say that hope leads to heartbreak? And I honestly believe that. Slowly, I am becoming attached to the experience of getting good morning messages from you, of being said good night to. Then I wonder if it's you or if it's the attention I am snagging from you that has this warm feeling circling in my chest.

 I'm over analyzing things, I know. It would be much easier to just ask you, of course, but it's too risky to do so. Besides, I'm scared of freaking you out, so I'll shut up for now.

And I know you probably won't get to read this but I'm writing it anyway, just to get the shit off my head even just for a second. But I do, I want to fall in love with you But according to societal norms, it's too early for love so I will like you for now. I'll make an attempt to extinguish the tiny flicker of hope buried under my skin.

 I want to go out with you on a movie date or something. Hang out with you at an empty parking lot and talk to you about the stupidest things. But I can't ask you out. I'm not brave enough. Not because I'm scared of rejection but because it might mean losing you. And more than losing you, it's losing these things that keep me from popping the question.

And then there's you. I mean, this has been all about me, me, me so far, so let's talk about you. You do have someone you like, don't you? Maybe someone you love, even. Of course, I'm only making assumptions, and if there's one piece of advice I get told often by my friends, it's to stop assuming. Easier said than done, though.

This is so damn complicated.

I want to fall in love with you.

And if this keeps up, I might just do.

I'd do anything.

I imagine you'll appear out of nowhere. I'll be sitting on a bus full of all my friends. I imagine you will walk towards me and look at me with regret in your eyes. I imagine I'll be surprised in the expected kind of way, look back at you and shake my head because I'm tired. Tired of everything, but mostly tired of being without you. I imagine you'll simply say three sentences: I am sorry. I can't live without you. I love you. I imagine I will desperately hold back my tears, and then I will tell you I've moved on. I imagine you will get off the bus, and I will break down. He will put his strong arms around me, and I'll repeat it over and over again. I've moved on, I 've moved on, I've moved on. It will be a lie, and this will be our goodbye. In fact, I wish it was our goodbye.

It's been six months. I have imagined this every day. Honey, I'd do anything.

Like in My Dreams

First time I saw you, you took my breath away. I have never seen a more beautiful person than you. After that you were my dream, I wanted it to be a dream. You and me, forever. The thing is we don't even know each other, but when I look at you I just want to be with you and talk about all the things that are possible to talk about. I want to be in your arms and I want you to see me and love me. But this is still a dream. I know that we will never be together, but my heart really hopes that one day, when the sun is shining, that it can be you and me. I know it's too late now that you have a girlfriend. But it doesn't matter because from what I've heard, the impossible love is the strongest. So please, see me, like I saw you for the first time. I know that you can't decide what is going to happen. It depends on destiny. I want to be your destiny. I just want to get to know you, and then maybe we can be more. We can be eachother's everything, like in my dreams. Because you are everywhere in my dreams. When I have a good day, it is because you were in my dream the night before. Let me be your dream. Let me be seen by you. Let me be your everything.